Explanation

Great way to restart the blog in the new year.

So clearly I'm upset, as you can probably tell from my last post. Since honesty is my best policy and I really could care less who reads this right now, as I know only three of you who are out there, probably NOT reading it ANYWAY (especially cuz we're friends, we just share things.)

Here goes. Today I was excited because I was going on a date. Emphasis on was. I got up early enough to do some cleaning which has only just gotten messier, I still need to fold my laundry and I have to call in for work. That's right I'm working now! YAY!

My date unfortunately canceled. I'm not mad at him (well kinda) and I'm severely disappointed in myself. I have high expectations. I also fear the worst. I don't know from whom I get this in my family but I do get it from someone. He had told me there was a party the other night and I hope he had fun, because my evening sucked up the ass in the worst way possible. More on that later.

It could be that I'm obssessing but I'm hurt and I'm afraid I might be bothering him and his massive hang over by trying to get in touch with him to arrange for something the next day. I'm afraid of pushing him away and actually, I'm afraid he won't like me. I, I, I, I, I...

The other night I went out for a little dinner and fun with another fellow. He was nice, he was a gentleman and it was clear what he wanted... it was more than a dinner. We finish go back to his place fool around until shirts and pants came off and we were on his floor so close to actual sex it was kinda hot... for about half an hour. Then I wanted to leave. I hadn't even finished yet and already I wanted to leave. He asked why and being the person that I am I clamed up, I told him I didn't know.

Have you ever been in a situation where the truth is completely superficial, but the fact that he's paid for dinner, and pushed on you to pick out a dessert when really you could covered your own check and gotten a frosty at Wendy's, and everything he's done and doing is scaring you!? That's what that was. I couldn't put my finger on it last night, but I've had time. I REALLY can't stand chivalry, and he's everything to do with it! Romantic, charming, heaping wallet of cash, French... oh yeah! He's knight in shining armor without the noble steed and I HATE that!

What is wrong with me?

How to Lose your head over a man:

Here are some easy steps to lose your head over some guy who legit has an excuse for not showing up, has txted you and now you're all depressed.

1. Show up early. Nothing gets your emotional cycle going like showing up early and then getting the dreaded news.

2. Follow through. Doing the activity which could be but is not limited to: having dinner, going walking, have coffee, bookstore hopping etc.

3. Hyperventilating!

4. txting him "It's okay if you're late." then several different messages later you finally hit on the idea that he's not going to show up. BUMMER!!!

5. Taking the long way home (see 3)

6. You consider several options such as hunting him down, committing suicide, dumpster diving (?) removal from life (but that would hurt too much and you kinda wanna give the dope a second chance.) and the list goes on.

I'm sure this page makes no sense to you whatsoever, but I needed to get this out into the world. I'm sorry. I'm going to climb into my bed, scream into my pillow and try and regain some sobriety back.

Pasta for dinner.

Imagination

I challenge everyone to find what is important to them and make a video. I did it on imagination.

It's one of the most important things for me because it's the one thing for me to use to create new things. With imagination we can all do wonderful things.

For instance we can create totally new worlds, creatures nobody has seen, a whole new breed of animal or class or race of human, and even tell amazing stories. The possibilities are endless. Without it we wouldn't have the amazing and even simplest things we have now: the indoor light, indoor plumbing, elevators, airplanes, electricity, cars, nor would we even consider life on other planets without it.

Imagine the things you can create, do, see, and be. Imagine the people you could meet. Imagine how many worlds there really are. This is what makes life worth living and exciting. Have your own adventures and invite your friends.

Have you imagined yet?

One Week

I'm a little worried about going home.

I mean It would be exciting to go back home for the summer but I'm afraid i have nothing to look forward to. I mean, I have family, but I may have to look for work, which in this day and age is just common sense and I've been expecting that. But every year I change more and more. I'm always afraid being left out, or left alone. I also hope things work out in whatever prospects I have.

Let me explain: I word this this way because I want to protect certain people from anything because... well it's complicated and I can't help but feel responsible for what's happened. Beleive it or not it's happened since this one week at the end of May. That's all I can say because those of you reading can understand why I don't want to hurt anyone because I have been hurt. i don't want to be the cause of anyone's pain and if ever anyone deserves and explanation I would give it to them to the best of my ability. In return all I ask is that we remain friends no matter what.

I love everyone I come in contact with and even if I don't show it I feel it. It's hard to believe but I look forward to seeing how that will be interpreted.

Until next time...

Wigs: a few good looks in review

So today I was inspired to do a retrospective look at the wigs in my life. Being a drag queen I take pride in all of my wigs, as they are all a part of my life in different aspects of my personality.

As the picture says this is a FaceinHole.com picture where I put my face in a Jefree Starr pic. I like pink on my skintone. A friend of mine said that my skin has too much red pigment in it to wear any red or pink... how little she knows now.

This is actually my natural hair. It's probably the best look since removing my wig. This was from my closing number at a friend's place where I did a small show. It was fun, and th wig i had on started to bug me, so before when I had originally planned to remove it, I took it off and this is the look I had. I like this look and only wish I could replicate it.

Another FaceinHole picture but from Zorro. I like this picture because it is an adorable way for me to own a corset that I would otherwise never have in my lifetime... but then again I'm only 20, life has only just begun.

This is one interesting pic because I just found it and liked it. I forgot I had it. I love my face, I love my eyes, I love my lips and for the first time I love my nose in this picture. In fact I like everythin about this picture. This was probably the first day I had this wig because it does not look crazy or tangled or messed up. This was from haloween last year when i couldn't go to a musical theatre mid-term show because I took too long doing make up. That'll learn me.

This is my cher wig. Everyone needs a big 80's 90's look to make a statement. In this picture my statement is "Whatchyoulookinat,bitch?!"

This is one of my more photogenic wigs. It's called "Sandy" but I like to call it my "Big Lucy" wig. Whenever I want to feel like a larger than life Lucille Ball circa 1960 I throw this one on and do my best "EEEEEEEW!" face. I've performed with this one many times in intimate settings, and at my second appearance at a club downtown. She's a curly wig and this is one of my best photos of her being her curliest.

This is one of the more human haired wigs I recently bought (on sale). The photo was taken at a very recent drag show a friends place. I believe the song I was doing here was "How Can Heaven Love Me" or "Fleurs du Mal" both by Sarah Brightman. i like this wig because it's the most realistic, the newest and easier to maintain. The dress is gorgeous but believe it or not was a marked down haloween costume from the Superstore. Takes the value out of it but it works for me. This wig though comes with short curls in the front for bangs and hangs gorgeously over my shoulders.

This is my Bette Paige wig. I love the blunt cut bangs and the way is just hangs. It also works for Morticia Addams which I have yet to do for haloween and should attempt. Not much more that I like to say about this wig.

You might recognize this wig from the main image of my profile and this blog. This is a wig I have in two colors. This one which is in Strawberry Blond, and another I have in black. Both work for a romantic, windswept and/or gothic look. This picture is one of my favorites (although all are my favorites of course). These wigs come with a imitation skin center part which you can move to the sides for a trendy look. The wig is fun and despite all the frizz it has now, it does not require brushing.

This is my first wig I ever owned. I call it my Jem wig because, in this picture, I was attempting an 80's hair band look... it failed. This wig comes with bangs but is the most synthetic of my synthentic hair. It looks good in photos of course but that's how it is.

Drag Event part 2

The following week was hell week. My decision at the end of this story will hopefully be justified, but if not, I hope to put things into perspective.

I had arrived along with my drag mother on time. We were made up and I observed as she put on her face. She took me through the step by step when she made me up, but I could actually see it when she made herself up.

While doing so we discussed certain person she told me to avoid imitating. I was intimidated by the knowledge work and persperation she explained with exact detail. She lived drag, she was drag... a true rising star. To this day I hope she reaches the hieghts she so incredibly worked for. I hope for myself to reach my own hieghts in my own career.

The show went on... I was first. Barefoot in a floorlength midnight blue gown, red curls on ivory shoulders, a belly-dancers belt at my waist I stepped onstage of the masterpiece that soon fell apart before my eyes. I lost the shoes that my drag mother gave me, my waits was small and my belt was too big and fell... It was removed only to distract the choreography.

The song once again was an unknown arbian-crossover pop tune by Sarah Brightman. Harem. This didn't seem to be accepted well and I felt I made a fool of myself. I, shame ridden, left the stage. It was obvious why they selected me to be first in the line-up.

That night I lost the man I loved... or there was a part of it that lead to the several steps that would essentially have me lose the man I loved... suspicion is a harsh criminal and I feel in my heart I may not have loved him as I thought I did and I wanted to die in my shameful night.

I do not use this night to judge my experience, but I hope to return to that stage where I had so started a horrible debut, but I feel I have ruined my chances and will follow my original passion. Although it will always be a talent. I will always be who I am and be what I want to be. I will revolutionize the world and make a change for people like me.

I don't think it is Drag itself that I am aiming for. Maybe it's something greater, something skin deep that makes me who I am. I await the day I discover what true potential lies hidden in me. I long for love as well as any other human being does as well...

Drag Event part 1

It was soon to be an experience I would never forget. I was so scared and excited that I really was bouncing off of the walls due to the lack of sleep I had from the night before. The first day I stepped on stage in drag should have been the most exhillirating day of my life.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I arrived at the club, early. Unbeknownst to me, my drag-mother (the one who would do my make-up) was late. It left little time for me and her to prepare, luckily my song was ready and well rehearsed.

During the make-up session, I recieved a lot of worldly, expert advice from the best of the best. She was by far one of the best but probably around the same age, if not older than I was. I still remember the words of wisdom amoungst the campy and happy-go-lucky laughter we shared.

I had three costume piecess on, to be removed during the number, at least two layers of facial foundation and make up caked on my face, and heels I had only recently just broken into and had twisted my ankle in the porcess. I also had a wig on... backstage i looked like I was panicking but really I was sweating my tits off.

The number I did was an unknown, but catchy enough for a club. Sarah Brightman and Chris Thompson's How Can Heaven Love Me was a fun number. It was better when I tore the final piece of my costume off of my body at the highest note that Sarah sings in the song. I had a good reception from the crowd and I recieved a good, hearty round of applause.

I was to return the following week.

Vagina Monlogues

Every year I see them, and every year I'm never disappointed!

Vag Mons are happing this tuesday April 13 at 8pm in Capilano University's PAT theatre!

This show is for those who have vaginas, are vagina lovers, and those with vagina envy (I know you're out there!!!)

Directed by the beautiful Kristi Tayelor the show features plenty monologues that range from hillarious to heartwarming to horrifying. Vag facts are sprinkled in making this not only one of the most highly-anticipated entertaining shows, but one of the most highly-anticipated educational shows. It will inspire YOU [yes you] to make a positive change.

Tickets are available from the cast and are only a paltry $10 if you're a student like me, otherwise $20. All proceeds go to WAVAW (Women Against Violence Against Women) and V-Day for the Spotlight Campaign!

Vagina monologues are once a year/once in a lifetime show. SO DON'T MISS IT!

Capilano University PAT Theatre, Tuesday 13 April, 8pm, $10/$20. BE there!

Until next time!

Glee [and why I'm going to miss it]

So Glee returns to the airwaves in under two days and all I'm going to see is... NONE of it.

Reasons why: (and they all suck)

5. I'm a volunteer usher in the Vagina Monologues

4. I want to see the Vagina Monologues, even though they happen only once a year but they're always pretty good, even though I would also rather see a musical theatre set of five...

3. I'm a theatre student and I need to be fed regularily

2. I'm a theatre student and I need to sleep regularily

1. I probably won't get any freetime because all of my projects are due AND I'm a theater student!

ANYWAY! until next time... new pics today, check it out!

What is wrong with this sentence.

So I was invited to join this Facebook group: HOW TO APPROACH ACTING... the sad thing is I know the solution... go to acting school!!!

This is what I found under "recent news":

This group is put on by " name removedProductions" Presents - (HOW TO APPROCH ACTING!) a online group to support, actors and there knowledge of acting and willing-ness to learn.

several things come to mind when reading this.

1. I know who this idiot is...

2. if i wanted to join a support group I wouldn't rely on facebook...

3. twitter has better spelling than this moron

4. use of a comma in the middle of sentence does not a sentence make.

5. willingness is spelt without a hifen.

I suggest the person who wrote this to get a dictionary and write properly. The sad thing is I joined is BECAUSE I have a "willing-ness" to learn so therefore I will, keep with this and hopefully not pick up any bad writing habits as this is a acting thing. ANYWAY!

Until next time...

Confessions: The Show 2

The Ending:

[Who Wants to Live Forever] Ends. (Emerging in a robe. Into cell.)Yes, but I can't possibly do a thing! My hands are completely tied... Sick mothers you know... Well, yes I know, it was last week as well, but this time is serious... I know what I said, but this week is serious-er. If I miss the death of my mother, I'll probably burst. Don't make me do something drastic. Yes, John. Thank you, John. (hangs up.)I REALLY freaking hate this guy. I swear say to a guy he's the best after ONE night and he'll think it's marriage. All I said was "You were great" in a non-chalant kind of way and then lit up, rolled over, went to sleep. In that order!To be honest, I actually don't mind it. I mean, I've got more attention than I've ever asked for. Sure, he beats me, and thus my current escape to the backstage and constant lying to him. I feel I've lost myself. I've lost, something... precious. I'M lost. It's me, in the whole metaphoracle sense, I've lost me. I'm ruined. Ruined. John's ruined me! Sex ruined me... I did. My decisions, I myself alone... I ruined me... Look at me... What have I done at this point that feels right? What CAN I do? No, I don't have a choice... none, what-so-ever.I don't have anything left. (dialing phone, rifling through drawers) John? Hi, darling, it's me... John? Eat dirt.

Confessions: The Show 1

[A work in progress] A story about a drag queen, not so much me. Full of musical interludes and female impersonation. Based off not only this blog, but other journals of mine. ALL original monologues and soliloques by me!

Opening:

I remember growing up. I remember what it was like to be young me, raised by two loving parents. Kindergarten, my friends, first grade, second, third... highschool. First kiss... second, third... A lot of things. I wrote them down and I looked back. Now I'm a developing artist. A female impersonator, in vulgar terms, a drag queen. No one's getting dragged, nor is life a drag, but sometimes...? I wonder. I'm Danni, by the way.You know, it's not like I ever really had the choice. Do you know? So, well, I figure I'd show you my life, tell you everything. The truth. I can only tell you. I trust you. If I didn't have anyone I could trust to tell about these things, I'd probably burst or do something drastic. I'm not sure what, though.This is my story. And you, lucky, lucky person, get to hear ALL about it. Aren't you lucky indeed. Look at you, at the end of your seat! And lying back down, okay. Maybe a wedgie? You got an uncomfortable seat. [Cue song:] Sorry. Nothing I can do about that. I'm just the entertainment. [Don't Rain on My Parade]

the secret to success

The secret to successful age hiding is as follows

1. maintaining a blog

2. disappearing for a while then coming back with a triumphant return.

3. put on a drag show.

4. date younger people

5. never take yourself seriously

6. don't sweat the small stuff

7. lie about your age

8. eat pickles and yogurt, just cuz!

9. love like you've never loved before

10. get the bestest friends of your life on your side

and 11. jump out from a plane. you only live once.

hello again! been a while!

until next time!

2010

I hope everyone can relate to this.
The end of the 2009 approacheth. SO:

2010 will be the year of my youth!

2010 means doing 20 shots and sobering with tequilla and pepto bismol
2010 means trying multiple things with my hair until it burns out dull.
2010 means peircing every body part until I Am the Pin Couchion COO COO KA CHOO!!!

2010 will be the year of my beauty!

2010 means several new shades of eye shadow
2010 means that many shoes to try on AND BUY!!!
2010 means that many dress sizes to lose to fit into what you used to!

2010 will be the year of my regenisis!

2010 means new beginnings, middles, endings and sequels.
2010 means more sex, more mess, more fun. SLIP 'N SLIDE!!!
2010 means more jerks than a sex addict beating off.

BUT!

Two years from that is
2012

Shit.

What's it all about?

Recently I found an audition and wanted to be in the show. Unfortunately my school admins won't allow me since I'm "under contract" to the program during the school year and can't make it to many of the auditions.

So this weekend was supposed to be dedicated to finding a song for that audition. After reading the unfortunate email, I suddenly felt really upset and felt that this weekend was actaully in vain, which it was. It's just depressing, that it was a show that I found on my own that I was so excited to audition for, now I feel I've waisted people's time and energy just to slot me in and I've had to send in an email to decline sending me a time.

On top of that, I waisted my weekend where I could have worked on things, like Dracula that's going on in December this year! I feel like my head is going to just collapse.

Another reason is also this show is first of all Nine... also the soon-to-be-released movie this winter... and its practically an all female cast. Now I know I'm not a well-known or even a very good female impersonator, but I feel I don't think I'll be given a shot. Unless I go about it on my own... or get sex change/hormone replacement treatment.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. But I think I'll wait a few days and cheer up before I do anything drastic to myself or cause any kind of self mutiliation. For now it's all meditation rather than jumping ahead... that and I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain...

I guess in a world where everyone is supposed to do what their gender dictates it's normal. Society is so stifling on the creative mind. The true people who want to change are pushed back into the darkness when other cultures are trecking through to the future. It's sad, I think. One day there will be people who are both genders... oh wait, that's today.

Where some people are born with both genders and that someone's parents have the bright idea to decide their gender right then and there when they have no clue what they are. The only thing that matters is that their baby is a freak. And a person to have both genders on is looked upon as a sideshow rather than a human being when it's really nobody's business. No wonder we have so many transgendered people nowadays. At least that's a good thing. At least we recognize these people for who they really are. It's better than teen suicide which is right up anyone's alley when given the chance.

And what about that double-endowed baby in the first place? What is genital mutilation but the removal or damage to the genitals? And we North American's call ourselves civilized. Yes we'll accept certain things from certain cultures, but we frown upon the things that we ourselves commit. We are also willing to disconnect conjoined twins as well... even if it may cause permanent damage to them?

What's it all about?

This was a toughie, folks, but I hope it wasn't a prechy pill to swallow. Until next time...

Interview with my personalities 1

Interview with my personalities. A time where I sit down and ask questions to my other selves.

Today I shall interview: Cranky Bitch and Miss Perfect

Danni: Hey, there CB, how are you today?

Cranky Bitch Danni: Jump off a muther fucking cliff! I'm fine, what's it to you?

D: Well, just wanting to ask you a few questions.

CBD: I'm not in the fucking mood!

D: Too bad! What do you usually do on your weekends?

CBD: ...I'm called Cranky Bitch, what do you THINK I do?

D: Point taken. What do you usually like to wear?

CBD: Whatever the hell I want to wear and nobody's gonna tell me what to wear.

D: You seem cranky about something, CB.

CBD: Thank you, Captain Obvious! I'm always cranky about something! If it isn't my ex-boyfriend not talking to me at all these days, it's the fact that I'm not getting any, or the guys that I meet are complete and utter whores who'd rather i touch their privates so they can feel fucking alive again! So don't you DARE tell me that I'm cranky about something, when obviously I AM cranky about something!

D: When do you usually like to come out.

CBD: Meh, whenever I'm the mood.

D: How does now sound?

CBD: I just ranted and I'm booked up with meeting Sarcasm for a while. Take a number.

D: Speaking of Sarcasm, are you friends with any other personalities?

CBD: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm buds with Sarcasm... I like to have tea with Diva and Queen of the Universe. I play pranks on Goody Goody with Impster. And I like to trade stories with Whine'n' Cheeze once in a while. She whines way to much. and Hopping Mad, Insanity, and Angry Horny and me like to hang out once in a while. Phony PMS is fun, but she doesn't show up nowadays. I think she went and commited suicide.

D: What do you think about Miss Perfect?

CBD: She always pisses me off. S'cuse me I got a headache, and I have better things to do. (leaves.)

D: O_O

Miss Perfect: Oh my goodness. May I help you?

D: Cranky Bitch didn't finish the interview.

MP: Oh my word! That is perfectly horrible! Here let us finish this interview on a perfect note.

D: Well, Miss Perfect. Tell me, who are you're friends?

MP: I enjoy spending time with Lil' Miss Princess, Madam Imagination, FrouFrou, and Diva on her good days.

D: What are your thoughts on a few people who aren't your friends.

MP: I only have a bad opinion on Mama Organizer (my mother) and Ms. Sloppy (my sister). Mamma likes to keep things in order and arrange everything while Sloppy likes to make a mess of everything. She never cleans up after herself and I think they are both perfectly horrid!

D: I think I hit a nerve.

MP: No, no, I'm perfectly fine.

D: What makes you unique?

MP: Well, I like to have everything perfect. My hair must be in order, my outfit must suit my liking and the man i meet must be charming, well groomed and funny...

D: Kinda anal, aren't you?

MP: It's what makes me perfectly unique my dear! Well I must run, I have to clean my room to perfection before my boyfriend arrives.

D: Oh, who is he?

MP: Butch.

Until next time...

Chinese Proverb

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of itsaccomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its ownimperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to thewoman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not bethis beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

To all of my crackpot friends, have a great dayand remember to smell the flowers, on your side of the path.

Danni

Disney, Buyouts, 110; oh my!

In that order...

Ladies and gentlemen let me just say to you all that, much to your disheartened feelings over Marvel's "loss", Disney is its own entity. Sure it has Pixar and that company whores itself out to make academy-award-nominated-and/or-winning movies, but that's a different topic for another monday.

Disney is an innovator. So was Walt! Although, apparently, now we all think he's an anti-semetic asshole. Honestly, in all my years of growing up and watching Disney movies and shows, I've never seen any anti-semetic comments, characters (or even Jewish characters... except for Timon's mom in Lion King 1/2, funny film.) or any other references along those topics. And if leaving out a jewish character is our way of calling someone anti-semite, then we have a LOT of growing up to do. It's like calling a dude who wears a pink shirt gay, when really he's a hetero-metrosexual. Think about it.

Also this may have been some rumor, so before you go around saying anything, be sure you look beyond wikipedia (where I believe the source of this outrage started) and get a life. Look at all the films he's done! Look at the stuff he's created to make the film/cartoon/animation industry! I gotta say, without Snow White being the first full-length animated movie and Mickey Mouse not being a household name... I think we might have been overpowered by some other force of evil rather than 3-foot talking mouse named Mickey. Think about that too!

As for Disney buying out Marvel. I'm tired of people saying "Wah wah wah, Marvel's gonna be gayed up by Disney, boo hoo hoo..." Hogwash! First of all I resent that remark. Disney is a business, a movie making business, but nonetheless a business. So is Marvel. If Marvel could stand on its own, it would've rejected the $4 bill and give the big F. U. But it didn't. Maybe the movies it recently made, weren't so good... I mean they came out before or after (i'm not sure) Watchmen. Tell me if I'm wrong but wasn't Watchmen made by a different company? Either way it is a BUSINESS!

As I've said before Disney is its own company... in fact it's got part marks with distributing company Buena Vista. Marvel will still be Marvel. Anything it does will have to be probably okayed with Disney, or Disney might want to corner the boys in the industry. Disney has been known to be girly, not gay, folks. On second thought, maybe both. That was the intention. It'll still be there, I think everyone's just upset that Disney (known as the "lamest" movie-makers which I find a pile of steaming crap!) totally one upped one of the "coolest" companies ever Marvel.

And my last comment for the day... Who the hell came up with "Put in 110%"?! What the fu-hell is that supposed to mean? Go above and beyond? Sure, but we're only 80% water and the rest is just junk we don't use! And we're supposed to give 110% a day to live a healthier, longer life... When really there are sick, fat, and old people not giving 110%, So we're unmotivated to give 110% but we gotta anyway! I think the limit should be, as it should be, 100%. It just hit me. Could be that I'm waking up but it just totally hit me out of left field. If you think you're giving 110%, like I thought I was giving 110%, think again.

3rd world countries don't have what we have. They're doing the best they can to live and they don't worry about giving it 110% because they already ARE giving 110% to live and keep their family alive. If they were like us, there would be no commercials with sad looking kids at Christmas! And they deal with stress, while we take a Valium or a Xanax and that dulls it for 6 hours, and we have to take another one!

I say if you want to give 110%, get up off your ass, get rid of Dr. Xanax and go for a walk! If you are worried about your 110% you shouldn't be! It might mean you're OCD, go to a doctor they'll tell you the same thing! I could list things, but I don't know where to start, the list is so long!

What better advice to follow than you're own, you're probably saying. Well! I will, in fact, I'll go downtown and have fun, just to spite you all! Haha! I joke.

This is your cranky drag queen saying, until next time!

There Comes a Time...

There comes a time when you realize...
You are six-foot-tall, blond, blue-eyed giant that scares little children. The only way kids are going to like you, is if they're your own kids... like that's ever going to happen for some of us.

There comes a time when you realize...
He's just not that into you... turns out to be a fantabulistic movie and everyone WAS right when they said you had to go watch this. Lesson learned.

There comes a time when you realize...
All the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears will bear fruit.

There comes a time when you realize...
You have absolutely no fucking clue what that means, but now you want a banana.

There comes a time when you realize...
You friends will tell you the truth and your family will keep you grounded. Grounded? Grounded for what?!

There comes a time when you realize...
The stupid things you did ended up being the hillarious sit com shows.

There comes a time when you realize...
Chainmail does have a message.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you've come to the time of realization! Wow, what a concept!!!

There comes a time when you realize...
When people laugh at you, they're actually laughing at you... and it's funny.

There comes a time when you realize...
Life's too short, and you have to sky diving.

There comes a time when you realize...
Oop. You're afraid of hieghts.

There comes a time when you realize...
You forgot that you got over hieghts, and are actually afraid of spiders.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you got the BEST genes from your family, because not only are they forgetting, so are you.

There comes a time when you realize...
Spiders are creepy.

There comes a time when you realize...
Age and beauty is about lying about your age and beauty.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you're tired... ALL the time.

There comes a time when you realize... after all the other times when you realized something...

You are OLD! Have a good day!

Hope you had this much fun reading it as I did writing it!

Sentimental Bullshit :-)

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.