Explanation

Great way to restart the blog in the new year.

So clearly I'm upset, as you can probably tell from my last post. Since honesty is my best policy and I really could care less who reads this right now, as I know only three of you who are out there, probably NOT reading it ANYWAY (especially cuz we're friends, we just share things.)

Here goes. Today I was excited because I was going on a date. Emphasis on was. I got up early enough to do some cleaning which has only just gotten messier, I still need to fold my laundry and I have to call in for work. That's right I'm working now! YAY!

My date unfortunately canceled. I'm not mad at him (well kinda) and I'm severely disappointed in myself. I have high expectations. I also fear the worst. I don't know from whom I get this in my family but I do get it from someone. He had told me there was a party the other night and I hope he had fun, because my evening sucked up the ass in the worst way possible. More on that later.

It could be that I'm obssessing but I'm hurt and I'm afraid I might be bothering him and his massive hang over by trying to get in touch with him to arrange for something the next day. I'm afraid of pushing him away and actually, I'm afraid he won't like me. I, I, I, I, I...

The other night I went out for a little dinner and fun with another fellow. He was nice, he was a gentleman and it was clear what he wanted... it was more than a dinner. We finish go back to his place fool around until shirts and pants came off and we were on his floor so close to actual sex it was kinda hot... for about half an hour. Then I wanted to leave. I hadn't even finished yet and already I wanted to leave. He asked why and being the person that I am I clamed up, I told him I didn't know.

Have you ever been in a situation where the truth is completely superficial, but the fact that he's paid for dinner, and pushed on you to pick out a dessert when really you could covered your own check and gotten a frosty at Wendy's, and everything he's done and doing is scaring you!? That's what that was. I couldn't put my finger on it last night, but I've had time. I REALLY can't stand chivalry, and he's everything to do with it! Romantic, charming, heaping wallet of cash, French... oh yeah! He's knight in shining armor without the noble steed and I HATE that!

What is wrong with me?