There Comes a Time...

There comes a time when you realize...
You are six-foot-tall, blond, blue-eyed giant that scares little children. The only way kids are going to like you, is if they're your own kids... like that's ever going to happen for some of us.

There comes a time when you realize...
He's just not that into you... turns out to be a fantabulistic movie and everyone WAS right when they said you had to go watch this. Lesson learned.

There comes a time when you realize...
All the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears will bear fruit.

There comes a time when you realize...
You have absolutely no fucking clue what that means, but now you want a banana.

There comes a time when you realize...
You friends will tell you the truth and your family will keep you grounded. Grounded? Grounded for what?!

There comes a time when you realize...
The stupid things you did ended up being the hillarious sit com shows.

There comes a time when you realize...
Chainmail does have a message.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you've come to the time of realization! Wow, what a concept!!!

There comes a time when you realize...
When people laugh at you, they're actually laughing at you... and it's funny.

There comes a time when you realize...
Life's too short, and you have to sky diving.

There comes a time when you realize...
Oop. You're afraid of hieghts.

There comes a time when you realize...
You forgot that you got over hieghts, and are actually afraid of spiders.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you got the BEST genes from your family, because not only are they forgetting, so are you.

There comes a time when you realize...
Spiders are creepy.

There comes a time when you realize...
Age and beauty is about lying about your age and beauty.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you're tired... ALL the time.

There comes a time when you realize... after all the other times when you realized something...

You are OLD! Have a good day!

Hope you had this much fun reading it as I did writing it!

Sentimental Bullshit :-)

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Letter to God

Dear God,

It's been a long time since I've written you. All is well. I don't need to tell you that, you kinda peek into my life from time to time seeing what kind of shenanigans I'm up to. Lately I've been kinda weird. I'm happy, but it doesn't feel joyful. Okay, if it's common sense that I don't feel joyful because I'm not joyful makes sense. I'm happy, I should feel happy. Not joyful. I'm asking you because (somehow) you made us, and we made words and languages and stuff. Maybe I should be asking the dictionary instead, beacaue we made that too. Also, I've been thinking, maybe I'm not meant to be happy. I coulda had a very happy past life. Don't worry, God, I know you're a Bhuddist, and therefore you believe in reincarnation. Although, you're kinda in charge of that... don't worry about that, though, your secret is safe with me. But I was thinking that I've learned lots up till now. Don't you think I should be happy?
I haven't believed in you in... pretty much... most of my life. I'm okay with that. Bible pushers aren't. Hell, I have a Bible, good book by the way, but the author quoted you a lot. I hope you don't regret anything you said. A lot of shits happend since the book came out. I think they're making a movie. They made a musical and movie about your sweet son Jesus, by the way. That reminds me, I saw him last night. He said "Boo." He really needs a life, or to get laid.
Another thing God, why did you choose now to put a black man on the presidential position? You coulda done that whenever you wanted to, but you chose now... Why? I'm curious. Anyway, hope i didn't impose. I know you have a million and one prayers or more to deal with... that and the wife and kid, I'm pretty sure. Talk to you soon.

All the best,
Danni

Writers' Block

Okay, a lot of things have been happening lately... and uh, well, I have writers block. Not in the sense where I can't write, but there's so much to write about a road block pops up... well actually it takes the shape of an actual block.

See I had a few sceanarios where I was going to write something Pulitzer Prize worthy but it only ends up being Newberry Honor, to complete and utter crap... Why? The block appears. For example:

So I totally met this really cute guy on POF (single's site i totally reccomend) and he's really cute. A PHD (pretty huge dick HAH!) student and researcher for business. He's totally funny and really into me. His body is average and face looks like a BLOCK!!!

See!

Second example...

So I totally checked my status for my loan from the government for school and I got completely declined! It sucks... then again maybe I put in some wrong info or wrong dates... then again, maybe its the goverments way of cutting off the arts by not supplying art students with the finances to BLOCK!!!

RAWR!

Third example...

Recently I got some new facebook pics of me in lingerie, pantyhose, and some cute outfits. The guy that took the pics is also a good looker... he BLOCKS like a BLOCKER!!!!

WHAT THE HELL?!

So this was my little rant on writers block. I should get it more often because it's a fun thing to deal with. And now, for other writers...

WAYS TO DEAL WITH MUTHA FCUKING WRITAS BLOCK!!! (kinda gangsta, huh?)

1. Don't think about it. It makes it worse... kinda like sex.

2. Do something else. It makes things better... kinda like sex.

3. Think of an idea and free-write. It's fun... kinda like sex.

4. Drink or smoke, if you want to. Hey, nothing like marijuana to get the creative juices flowing!

5. Read a good book. Steal ideas like J.K. Rowling did!

6. Watch a movie.

7. Have sex [and kinda like it]... there's never a bad time to try writing a romance novel! (you saw this coming a mile away)

8. Go Outside, take a walk, don't get hit by a... CAR!!!! O_<

9. Start a blog. It obviously helps... kinda like--

10. Listen to music... but really listen to it... you never kno if you can find a message you want to write about. except if its rap, cuz most messages are drive-bys, doing drugs, slapping your ho, lighting up with your homeslice is cool, but its a lie! It's a god-awful lie! Cuz if you do that you go to hell, like gays...

Wait... O_O always knew I was, HAHAHAHA! that explains, like A LOT!

Just kidding about the gays going to hell bit... but lifes too short not to laugh at yourself. C'mon!

Currently...

So, the life of a drag queen (at the moment) kinda is, pun inteded, a bit of a drag. BUT there's more to life than being a drag queen.

I mean, there's a certain reputation that a drag queen has. This involves two things:

1. In most cases being a drag. Easily done.

2. Being a queen. Not easy.

Being a queen in a world full of commoners really blows, but that's just the way it is. I mean no matter what happens in life, someone will always want to walk your runway, but in the end, you are the top model, because nobody voted for you. you busted your ass working the moves, walking the walk, taking the flack and jumping in and out of dress sizes just to work lifes runway.

Everyone should live life like a queen. Or a peacock. Maybe a Peacock Queen! That would rock. you look glamorous and are royalty.

Your friends, as you wander into being a drag queen or test the waters, to coin a phrase, are your equals, they are not servants, they are not peasants, and they are not slaves. That's what underlings are for, if and when you get them.

No, in life, you have to fight! You are warrior queen! You are a fierce force to be worshipped, loved by many, and not to mention have great thighs and have natural highlights! :)
In this life, you can't let anything get you down, because there are wolves, vultures, and yes EVEN hyenas! They will not take you to dinner, they will not go out for drinks. NO! They will EAT you alive!!

And the kicker is, they are everywhere and they'll be waiting. Oh, they will be waiting. When you finally plummet to your to your ultimate low, the lowest basic instint... they'll be all over your ass, because they are a bunch of gang bangers that what they are! NO! This is not beastiality ladies and gentlemen, this is man-on-man or woman-on-woman [take your pick] dog-eat-dog world out there!

The only chance of survival is... absolutely nothing!

Now, soldiers, at ease, because I just totally lost my point. So go back to your lives and just have fun! And for those of you about to rock, I salute you. *salutes*

Until next time, folks!

Turning Cartwheels

Urinetown was one of the greatest experiences ever. Hands down. It was a fun show, I made so many new friends and got to reunite with old friends.

All in all I learned lots, and I learned things I didn't have to pay for. Everything I'm doing is to improve my art and my craft. I feel like I'm really close, but I'm so far away. Every day is sunny and it's all for me...

...so that's how I feel.

I am excited.

I am going to be going back to vancouver in less than a month, I'm going to see friends I haven't seen all summer, nothing can express how I feel, except turning cartwheels. I have been turning cartwheels all week. Everything is coming up roses. Roses, roses, roses... and I have been singing. And I got to act during the summer instead of just work and sit at home doing nothing.

I feel so at ease and comfortable about the future and about the next few steps in my career.

Look, Mighty Vancouver, this rainbow's gonna shine bright!

Happy Pride, by the way, I unfortunately missed it in Van, but I'm excited to make my grand return!

Until next time... stay sunny...