2010

I hope everyone can relate to this.
The end of the 2009 approacheth. SO:

2010 will be the year of my youth!

2010 means doing 20 shots and sobering with tequilla and pepto bismol
2010 means trying multiple things with my hair until it burns out dull.
2010 means peircing every body part until I Am the Pin Couchion COO COO KA CHOO!!!

2010 will be the year of my beauty!

2010 means several new shades of eye shadow
2010 means that many shoes to try on AND BUY!!!
2010 means that many dress sizes to lose to fit into what you used to!

2010 will be the year of my regenisis!

2010 means new beginnings, middles, endings and sequels.
2010 means more sex, more mess, more fun. SLIP 'N SLIDE!!!
2010 means more jerks than a sex addict beating off.

BUT!

Two years from that is
2012

Shit.

What's it all about?

Recently I found an audition and wanted to be in the show. Unfortunately my school admins won't allow me since I'm "under contract" to the program during the school year and can't make it to many of the auditions.

So this weekend was supposed to be dedicated to finding a song for that audition. After reading the unfortunate email, I suddenly felt really upset and felt that this weekend was actaully in vain, which it was. It's just depressing, that it was a show that I found on my own that I was so excited to audition for, now I feel I've waisted people's time and energy just to slot me in and I've had to send in an email to decline sending me a time.

On top of that, I waisted my weekend where I could have worked on things, like Dracula that's going on in December this year! I feel like my head is going to just collapse.

Another reason is also this show is first of all Nine... also the soon-to-be-released movie this winter... and its practically an all female cast. Now I know I'm not a well-known or even a very good female impersonator, but I feel I don't think I'll be given a shot. Unless I go about it on my own... or get sex change/hormone replacement treatment.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. But I think I'll wait a few days and cheer up before I do anything drastic to myself or cause any kind of self mutiliation. For now it's all meditation rather than jumping ahead... that and I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain...

I guess in a world where everyone is supposed to do what their gender dictates it's normal. Society is so stifling on the creative mind. The true people who want to change are pushed back into the darkness when other cultures are trecking through to the future. It's sad, I think. One day there will be people who are both genders... oh wait, that's today.

Where some people are born with both genders and that someone's parents have the bright idea to decide their gender right then and there when they have no clue what they are. The only thing that matters is that their baby is a freak. And a person to have both genders on is looked upon as a sideshow rather than a human being when it's really nobody's business. No wonder we have so many transgendered people nowadays. At least that's a good thing. At least we recognize these people for who they really are. It's better than teen suicide which is right up anyone's alley when given the chance.

And what about that double-endowed baby in the first place? What is genital mutilation but the removal or damage to the genitals? And we North American's call ourselves civilized. Yes we'll accept certain things from certain cultures, but we frown upon the things that we ourselves commit. We are also willing to disconnect conjoined twins as well... even if it may cause permanent damage to them?

What's it all about?

This was a toughie, folks, but I hope it wasn't a prechy pill to swallow. Until next time...

Interview with my personalities 1

Interview with my personalities. A time where I sit down and ask questions to my other selves.

Today I shall interview: Cranky Bitch and Miss Perfect

Danni: Hey, there CB, how are you today?

Cranky Bitch Danni: Jump off a muther fucking cliff! I'm fine, what's it to you?

D: Well, just wanting to ask you a few questions.

CBD: I'm not in the fucking mood!

D: Too bad! What do you usually do on your weekends?

CBD: ...I'm called Cranky Bitch, what do you THINK I do?

D: Point taken. What do you usually like to wear?

CBD: Whatever the hell I want to wear and nobody's gonna tell me what to wear.

D: You seem cranky about something, CB.

CBD: Thank you, Captain Obvious! I'm always cranky about something! If it isn't my ex-boyfriend not talking to me at all these days, it's the fact that I'm not getting any, or the guys that I meet are complete and utter whores who'd rather i touch their privates so they can feel fucking alive again! So don't you DARE tell me that I'm cranky about something, when obviously I AM cranky about something!

D: When do you usually like to come out.

CBD: Meh, whenever I'm the mood.

D: How does now sound?

CBD: I just ranted and I'm booked up with meeting Sarcasm for a while. Take a number.

D: Speaking of Sarcasm, are you friends with any other personalities?

CBD: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm buds with Sarcasm... I like to have tea with Diva and Queen of the Universe. I play pranks on Goody Goody with Impster. And I like to trade stories with Whine'n' Cheeze once in a while. She whines way to much. and Hopping Mad, Insanity, and Angry Horny and me like to hang out once in a while. Phony PMS is fun, but she doesn't show up nowadays. I think she went and commited suicide.

D: What do you think about Miss Perfect?

CBD: She always pisses me off. S'cuse me I got a headache, and I have better things to do. (leaves.)

D: O_O

Miss Perfect: Oh my goodness. May I help you?

D: Cranky Bitch didn't finish the interview.

MP: Oh my word! That is perfectly horrible! Here let us finish this interview on a perfect note.

D: Well, Miss Perfect. Tell me, who are you're friends?

MP: I enjoy spending time with Lil' Miss Princess, Madam Imagination, FrouFrou, and Diva on her good days.

D: What are your thoughts on a few people who aren't your friends.

MP: I only have a bad opinion on Mama Organizer (my mother) and Ms. Sloppy (my sister). Mamma likes to keep things in order and arrange everything while Sloppy likes to make a mess of everything. She never cleans up after herself and I think they are both perfectly horrid!

D: I think I hit a nerve.

MP: No, no, I'm perfectly fine.

D: What makes you unique?

MP: Well, I like to have everything perfect. My hair must be in order, my outfit must suit my liking and the man i meet must be charming, well groomed and funny...

D: Kinda anal, aren't you?

MP: It's what makes me perfectly unique my dear! Well I must run, I have to clean my room to perfection before my boyfriend arrives.

D: Oh, who is he?

MP: Butch.

Until next time...

Chinese Proverb

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of itsaccomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its ownimperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to thewoman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not bethis beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

To all of my crackpot friends, have a great dayand remember to smell the flowers, on your side of the path.

Danni

Disney, Buyouts, 110; oh my!

In that order...

Ladies and gentlemen let me just say to you all that, much to your disheartened feelings over Marvel's "loss", Disney is its own entity. Sure it has Pixar and that company whores itself out to make academy-award-nominated-and/or-winning movies, but that's a different topic for another monday.

Disney is an innovator. So was Walt! Although, apparently, now we all think he's an anti-semetic asshole. Honestly, in all my years of growing up and watching Disney movies and shows, I've never seen any anti-semetic comments, characters (or even Jewish characters... except for Timon's mom in Lion King 1/2, funny film.) or any other references along those topics. And if leaving out a jewish character is our way of calling someone anti-semite, then we have a LOT of growing up to do. It's like calling a dude who wears a pink shirt gay, when really he's a hetero-metrosexual. Think about it.

Also this may have been some rumor, so before you go around saying anything, be sure you look beyond wikipedia (where I believe the source of this outrage started) and get a life. Look at all the films he's done! Look at the stuff he's created to make the film/cartoon/animation industry! I gotta say, without Snow White being the first full-length animated movie and Mickey Mouse not being a household name... I think we might have been overpowered by some other force of evil rather than 3-foot talking mouse named Mickey. Think about that too!

As for Disney buying out Marvel. I'm tired of people saying "Wah wah wah, Marvel's gonna be gayed up by Disney, boo hoo hoo..." Hogwash! First of all I resent that remark. Disney is a business, a movie making business, but nonetheless a business. So is Marvel. If Marvel could stand on its own, it would've rejected the $4 bill and give the big F. U. But it didn't. Maybe the movies it recently made, weren't so good... I mean they came out before or after (i'm not sure) Watchmen. Tell me if I'm wrong but wasn't Watchmen made by a different company? Either way it is a BUSINESS!

As I've said before Disney is its own company... in fact it's got part marks with distributing company Buena Vista. Marvel will still be Marvel. Anything it does will have to be probably okayed with Disney, or Disney might want to corner the boys in the industry. Disney has been known to be girly, not gay, folks. On second thought, maybe both. That was the intention. It'll still be there, I think everyone's just upset that Disney (known as the "lamest" movie-makers which I find a pile of steaming crap!) totally one upped one of the "coolest" companies ever Marvel.

And my last comment for the day... Who the hell came up with "Put in 110%"?! What the fu-hell is that supposed to mean? Go above and beyond? Sure, but we're only 80% water and the rest is just junk we don't use! And we're supposed to give 110% a day to live a healthier, longer life... When really there are sick, fat, and old people not giving 110%, So we're unmotivated to give 110% but we gotta anyway! I think the limit should be, as it should be, 100%. It just hit me. Could be that I'm waking up but it just totally hit me out of left field. If you think you're giving 110%, like I thought I was giving 110%, think again.

3rd world countries don't have what we have. They're doing the best they can to live and they don't worry about giving it 110% because they already ARE giving 110% to live and keep their family alive. If they were like us, there would be no commercials with sad looking kids at Christmas! And they deal with stress, while we take a Valium or a Xanax and that dulls it for 6 hours, and we have to take another one!

I say if you want to give 110%, get up off your ass, get rid of Dr. Xanax and go for a walk! If you are worried about your 110% you shouldn't be! It might mean you're OCD, go to a doctor they'll tell you the same thing! I could list things, but I don't know where to start, the list is so long!

What better advice to follow than you're own, you're probably saying. Well! I will, in fact, I'll go downtown and have fun, just to spite you all! Haha! I joke.

This is your cranky drag queen saying, until next time!

There Comes a Time...

There comes a time when you realize...
You are six-foot-tall, blond, blue-eyed giant that scares little children. The only way kids are going to like you, is if they're your own kids... like that's ever going to happen for some of us.

There comes a time when you realize...
He's just not that into you... turns out to be a fantabulistic movie and everyone WAS right when they said you had to go watch this. Lesson learned.

There comes a time when you realize...
All the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears will bear fruit.

There comes a time when you realize...
You have absolutely no fucking clue what that means, but now you want a banana.

There comes a time when you realize...
You friends will tell you the truth and your family will keep you grounded. Grounded? Grounded for what?!

There comes a time when you realize...
The stupid things you did ended up being the hillarious sit com shows.

There comes a time when you realize...
Chainmail does have a message.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you've come to the time of realization! Wow, what a concept!!!

There comes a time when you realize...
When people laugh at you, they're actually laughing at you... and it's funny.

There comes a time when you realize...
Life's too short, and you have to sky diving.

There comes a time when you realize...
Oop. You're afraid of hieghts.

There comes a time when you realize...
You forgot that you got over hieghts, and are actually afraid of spiders.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you got the BEST genes from your family, because not only are they forgetting, so are you.

There comes a time when you realize...
Spiders are creepy.

There comes a time when you realize...
Age and beauty is about lying about your age and beauty.

There comes a time when you realize...
That you're tired... ALL the time.

There comes a time when you realize... after all the other times when you realized something...

You are OLD! Have a good day!

Hope you had this much fun reading it as I did writing it!

Sentimental Bullshit :-)

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Letter to God

Dear God,

It's been a long time since I've written you. All is well. I don't need to tell you that, you kinda peek into my life from time to time seeing what kind of shenanigans I'm up to. Lately I've been kinda weird. I'm happy, but it doesn't feel joyful. Okay, if it's common sense that I don't feel joyful because I'm not joyful makes sense. I'm happy, I should feel happy. Not joyful. I'm asking you because (somehow) you made us, and we made words and languages and stuff. Maybe I should be asking the dictionary instead, beacaue we made that too. Also, I've been thinking, maybe I'm not meant to be happy. I coulda had a very happy past life. Don't worry, God, I know you're a Bhuddist, and therefore you believe in reincarnation. Although, you're kinda in charge of that... don't worry about that, though, your secret is safe with me. But I was thinking that I've learned lots up till now. Don't you think I should be happy?
I haven't believed in you in... pretty much... most of my life. I'm okay with that. Bible pushers aren't. Hell, I have a Bible, good book by the way, but the author quoted you a lot. I hope you don't regret anything you said. A lot of shits happend since the book came out. I think they're making a movie. They made a musical and movie about your sweet son Jesus, by the way. That reminds me, I saw him last night. He said "Boo." He really needs a life, or to get laid.
Another thing God, why did you choose now to put a black man on the presidential position? You coulda done that whenever you wanted to, but you chose now... Why? I'm curious. Anyway, hope i didn't impose. I know you have a million and one prayers or more to deal with... that and the wife and kid, I'm pretty sure. Talk to you soon.

All the best,
Danni

Writers' Block

Okay, a lot of things have been happening lately... and uh, well, I have writers block. Not in the sense where I can't write, but there's so much to write about a road block pops up... well actually it takes the shape of an actual block.

See I had a few sceanarios where I was going to write something Pulitzer Prize worthy but it only ends up being Newberry Honor, to complete and utter crap... Why? The block appears. For example:

So I totally met this really cute guy on POF (single's site i totally reccomend) and he's really cute. A PHD (pretty huge dick HAH!) student and researcher for business. He's totally funny and really into me. His body is average and face looks like a BLOCK!!!

See!

Second example...

So I totally checked my status for my loan from the government for school and I got completely declined! It sucks... then again maybe I put in some wrong info or wrong dates... then again, maybe its the goverments way of cutting off the arts by not supplying art students with the finances to BLOCK!!!

RAWR!

Third example...

Recently I got some new facebook pics of me in lingerie, pantyhose, and some cute outfits. The guy that took the pics is also a good looker... he BLOCKS like a BLOCKER!!!!

WHAT THE HELL?!

So this was my little rant on writers block. I should get it more often because it's a fun thing to deal with. And now, for other writers...

WAYS TO DEAL WITH MUTHA FCUKING WRITAS BLOCK!!! (kinda gangsta, huh?)

1. Don't think about it. It makes it worse... kinda like sex.

2. Do something else. It makes things better... kinda like sex.

3. Think of an idea and free-write. It's fun... kinda like sex.

4. Drink or smoke, if you want to. Hey, nothing like marijuana to get the creative juices flowing!

5. Read a good book. Steal ideas like J.K. Rowling did!

6. Watch a movie.

7. Have sex [and kinda like it]... there's never a bad time to try writing a romance novel! (you saw this coming a mile away)

8. Go Outside, take a walk, don't get hit by a... CAR!!!! O_<

9. Start a blog. It obviously helps... kinda like--

10. Listen to music... but really listen to it... you never kno if you can find a message you want to write about. except if its rap, cuz most messages are drive-bys, doing drugs, slapping your ho, lighting up with your homeslice is cool, but its a lie! It's a god-awful lie! Cuz if you do that you go to hell, like gays...

Wait... O_O always knew I was, HAHAHAHA! that explains, like A LOT!

Just kidding about the gays going to hell bit... but lifes too short not to laugh at yourself. C'mon!

Currently...

So, the life of a drag queen (at the moment) kinda is, pun inteded, a bit of a drag. BUT there's more to life than being a drag queen.

I mean, there's a certain reputation that a drag queen has. This involves two things:

1. In most cases being a drag. Easily done.

2. Being a queen. Not easy.

Being a queen in a world full of commoners really blows, but that's just the way it is. I mean no matter what happens in life, someone will always want to walk your runway, but in the end, you are the top model, because nobody voted for you. you busted your ass working the moves, walking the walk, taking the flack and jumping in and out of dress sizes just to work lifes runway.

Everyone should live life like a queen. Or a peacock. Maybe a Peacock Queen! That would rock. you look glamorous and are royalty.

Your friends, as you wander into being a drag queen or test the waters, to coin a phrase, are your equals, they are not servants, they are not peasants, and they are not slaves. That's what underlings are for, if and when you get them.

No, in life, you have to fight! You are warrior queen! You are a fierce force to be worshipped, loved by many, and not to mention have great thighs and have natural highlights! :)
In this life, you can't let anything get you down, because there are wolves, vultures, and yes EVEN hyenas! They will not take you to dinner, they will not go out for drinks. NO! They will EAT you alive!!

And the kicker is, they are everywhere and they'll be waiting. Oh, they will be waiting. When you finally plummet to your to your ultimate low, the lowest basic instint... they'll be all over your ass, because they are a bunch of gang bangers that what they are! NO! This is not beastiality ladies and gentlemen, this is man-on-man or woman-on-woman [take your pick] dog-eat-dog world out there!

The only chance of survival is... absolutely nothing!

Now, soldiers, at ease, because I just totally lost my point. So go back to your lives and just have fun! And for those of you about to rock, I salute you. *salutes*

Until next time, folks!

Turning Cartwheels

Urinetown was one of the greatest experiences ever. Hands down. It was a fun show, I made so many new friends and got to reunite with old friends.

All in all I learned lots, and I learned things I didn't have to pay for. Everything I'm doing is to improve my art and my craft. I feel like I'm really close, but I'm so far away. Every day is sunny and it's all for me...

...so that's how I feel.

I am excited.

I am going to be going back to vancouver in less than a month, I'm going to see friends I haven't seen all summer, nothing can express how I feel, except turning cartwheels. I have been turning cartwheels all week. Everything is coming up roses. Roses, roses, roses... and I have been singing. And I got to act during the summer instead of just work and sit at home doing nothing.

I feel so at ease and comfortable about the future and about the next few steps in my career.

Look, Mighty Vancouver, this rainbow's gonna shine bright!

Happy Pride, by the way, I unfortunately missed it in Van, but I'm excited to make my grand return!

Until next time... stay sunny...

Fairest: the idea pitch

Imagine if you will...

Once upon a time...

Ayortha, a kingdom of beauty and song; of song more than anything else. Music rules the day as the people sing to heal and to play.

One Ayorthaian, Aza, has the purest voice in the entire kingdom. She wins the hearts of the kind prince Ijori, a brute of a duchess of Olixo, the kingdom, and a scheming queen. The only thing is, she isn't the fairest of them all. Abused by the people because of her looks, Aza is shy and intimidated by the world.

When she befriends newlywed Queen Ivi of Ayortha, her world turns upside down as she conquers her fears, loves and predudices based on her looks. Aza soon finds out that her life is more at risk than her looks.

Loosely based of of the Fairy Tale Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, author of Ella Enchanted, Gail Carson Levin's musical and magical novel Fairest, pits one girl who must accept who she is before anyone else can, against a society that loves beauty; and not just in a voice.

Aza is a young country girl who goes to the wedding of her Kingdom's King, Oscaro, to the foreign Queen, Ivi. When Oscaro is severely injured to the point of death, Ivi takes control. With the aide of a mysterious advisor, Ivi Not only almost cancel an important ritual, called a Sing, that would ultimately save the king's life, but she dissolves the Kingdom all-important counsel, as well as throwing policies and making absurd declarations. Because of her "laissez-faire" attitude and her squandering the fortune on Aza, her new lady-in-waiting, she soon becomes the most hated Queen in Ayortha.

Aza also must provide the Queen with an Ayorthaian singing voice, which Ivi begrudgingly does not possess. Personally labelling herself as an imposter, Aza finds it difficult to not only avoid the Prince Ijori, but to lie right in front of him as well.

But with ingenuity, courage and cunning like an ogre, Aza learns about her mysterious past, wins the love of Ijori and the adoration of the Kingdom.

That's the book, hows that for a movie?

The Butterfly~Part Two

Green-Worm, who possessed a pair of beautiful wings sprang from the root in which he hid for an entire winter and flew out beyond the shadowy oak tree.

His new features enabled him to soar over the ocean of grass, patches of snow still melting in the warm sunlight. Green-Worm couldn't help to smile as he sailed away from the tree to which he was forever trapped. He felt as if his little heart would burst.

Inches called out again, or something that sounded like Inches could be heard. Where it was coming from, Green-Worm didn't know, but he knew it was trouble, he only followed his instincs.

He came to a clearing where Inches' yells were at their peak loudness. Green-Worm looked around. He fluttered down gently on a blade of grass and used his antennea to listen or at least feel where Inches was. Suddenly, he turned and there was Inches stuck and curled up on web.

At first, Green-Worm thought Inches was going through what he was... the silver thread that turned him into this winged creature, but he had heard about these webs. Beautiful hanging things, but created by a creature with 8 legs, black as night, and vicious killer. But he knew he had to save Inches.

It must be some kind of trap, Green-Worm thought as he approached the web.

"Come closer," someone whispered. "Closer, closer, closer..." The whisper grew harsher. Green-Worm place on a hand on the web and his hand was stuck fast. He pulled as hard as he could many times, but the web wouldn't let go.

Something was coming, one two three legs appeared. Green-Worm was frightened. Four, five, six... the monster who had created the web was coming. Seven, eight... Spider appeared. Seductively she crawled onto the web. Green-Worm pulled his hand finally free, but tore the web as he did.

Spider shrieked and began to fix her trap. This gave Green-Worm enough time to pry the bundle that was Inches free from the web.

Darkness. Fear. Cold. That's how it felt in the sticky cocoon that contained poor Inches. Nothingness surrounded him. A light shines through. Is it a tunnel? Should he follow it? It gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Suddenly a hand pulls him out and...

Green-Worm pulled out his dear friend and held him. Held him fast and tight.

"I would have come sooner!" Green-Worm sobbed.

"I knew you would," Inches sighed in relief. "I was scared." They looked at each other. Inches had grown... probably an inch, Green Worm thought. Inches stared at Green-Worms wings.

"What?" Green-Worm asked.

"Nothing," Inches defended. "You look... beautiful! What happened?"

Green-Worm laughed. "It's a long story..."

***
Moral of the story? You figure it out.

Until next time!

The Butterfly~Part One

A long time ago, there was a little green worm. His name was Green-Worm

He was a happy little worm. Pleasantly he would eat the leaves of the huge oak tree, that was his home.

He knew how scary the world was down in the grass beneath the shadow in the tree. His mother and father told him, "If you leave the tree, many things will happen. Dangerous things." He was scared.

One day, Green-Worm's friend Inches, the inch-worm came up to him. "We should go down into th shade of the oak tree," Inches blurted. "and eat the lusious green grass."

Green-Worm was scared. "But in the shade of the oak tree," Green-Worm stammered. "dangerous things will happen."

Inches laughed. "Those are little worm stories to keep us from having fun." He explained. Green-Worm and Inches made their way to the base of the tree.

As they inched their way down the autumn bark of the oak tree, it grew darker and darker and darker. Until the world around them was as dark as night.

Inches saw the blades of grass, still wet from the that days afternoon rain. He began gobbling up the grass. Green-Worm was hesitatant. He saw the large blades of grass and his tummy rumbled with joy. But the words of his parents froze him like ice.

"Many things will happen. Dangerous things."

Something came down from the grey sky. It fell gently down onto some of the root of the tree.

Green-Worm thought it was a star, as it glowed, but it was clear and see-through like water. When Gree-Worm touched it his hand was cold. He shivered.

"Dangerous things will happen."

Suddenly more water-star-like things fell. Inches inched as fast as he could to Green-Worm.

"Hurry!" he shouted. "We have to go back to the oak!"

It was too late, just as Inches made his way up the hill, poor Green-Worm felt too cold to climb. He found a hole in the root and crawled in.

Feeling abandoned and alone Green-Worm trembled in the cold. He was scared and alone, and he didn't know what to do.

All of a sudden, he sneezed. When he looked, there was some shiney sticky string from his mouth.

He blew out and more came out... more and more and more, until, he had enough to make a blanket. Green-Worm curled up under his blanket of shiney string and fell asleep.

He had a weird dream. He saw pictures in his head. He saw wings, he saw spring flowers, color, Inches, his best friend and how he was left abandoned. Then he saw danger, hurt... something was wrong, but Green-Worm couldn't, he knew he had to have wings... But what were wings.

Light peirced the darkness. Green-Worm opened his eyes. A drop of water, shaped like a tear, showed the beedy eyes that belonged to Green-Worm.

But as Green-Worm looked... he saw something come out of his back... two somethings. Two colorful somethings that took the shape of the clouds. His memory came back. Dangerous things, the shiney blanket of shiney string, the dream. Wings. Something told Green-Worm that those were wings.

"Many things will happen." Green-Worm thought. "Many things did happen."

Suddenly, he heard a cry for help. Something small, that reminded him of something... and inche, a few inches... inchworm... Inches!!!

Happy Times: Updates Galore

Aside from the best things in life, like living and playing the game of life, lots of things have changed. Apparently going back to my roots has helped... I feel just as young, happy, and naive as I was when I sixteen. Scary.

My job is fantastic, I'm earning money, I'm working on a show that goes one in a few weeks, it's really coming together, we're going to be rehearsing in the theatre, I'm going back to Vancouver, to school, to friends, to home. To live.

First of all, selecting my future courses to return to the city where my heart belongs and my soul live, was thrilling. The future looks bright and happy. Reuniting with my old new friends from school. I miss them all, and love them all so much. Like a family. It hopefully means that I'm over whatever depression I was going through. After I broke off with number 3 everything was dark, morbid, and frightening.

But then reconnecting with some old friends from decades ago has helped. I forgotten how close we were since back in the day and how much I love to laugh and no matter how much crap hits the fan, as it usually does in life, I could always talk to them and I would feel better. Let me tell you about my friday.

Remember the one straight friend I told you about? The one who said that if he were gay he would totally date me? Well, after a year, I think we both changed. For starters, aside from gaining a few pounds (I regret to write this unfortunate turn of events, but he's still sweet) is engaged to his girlfriend of 19 months. Words cannot describe how happy I was to hear this.

We met up at a store and laughed at a lot of the corny birthday cards and some of the really naughty ones too. Then we went to the larger part of town and went to have coffee. There he reconfirmed his previous statement to his passionate romance with me, were that his orientation different. He claimed even that he would "play along" if I introduced him as my boyfriend.

As if by fate, another old friend, who is doing really well nowadays, walked in. Now was my chance to call his bluff. I introduced him... and he played very well. He was naughty, witty, affectionate and I just played along with him. Afterwards I thanked him and told him he didn't have to raise his voice pitch.

Afterwards we went to the beach and pretty much talked openly about everything. The proposal, the soon to be wedding plans, sex, love and knowing. There's nothing like knowing. Knowing is when know something... obviously. Like, knowing when to say I love you, knowing when love is actually love... knowing what love is. Knowing is something I think I lack.

Near the end, I said "There are times that are really bad, but there are times when you feel really good... this is one of those good times" or something like that. To be honest I envy his engagement, but I can't help to feel overjoyed for the both of them. His words are in my heart and I feel a joy I have never felt before. To the one who shares my love of pugs, thank you.

Until next time... please spread the love... -D

An Interview with the Elephant in the Room

We all know its there, wether its an awkward moment, awkward silence, someone passing gass, someone burping, anything. We know you did it so own up.

As human beings we try to avoid awkward silences... the funny thing is that we remember those moments. Those are times of extreme bondage; well times when we bond a lot more than we usually would.

Anyway, why is it we always try to avoid these situations?

I'll tell you why. That's when this metaphorical, proverbial elephant in the room appears. And he enjoys watching people squirm.

I had a chance to sit down with Elephant In the Room and we shared some rather interesting moments together ourselves. Here is our conversation as it happened, taped recorded.

Danni: Whose there?

Elephant: It's me!

D: Oh! Thank god, for a minute I thought you were a burgler. If I hadn't seen the pink spots I wouldn't have recognized you.

E: That's fine.

D: So what's new?

E: You know me. I always love a party, just got back from this bush party.

D: What happened?

E: Well some guy, keep in mind he was plastered beyond helping, said he could jump over the campfire that they built. Bonfire more like. Well as it happens he cleared the fire landed on a conviniently place branch that was leaning on a rock, where, when he landed, sent a piece of the branch flying into the air, knocking some jock guy in the hair and knocking his girlfriend unconcious.

D: Then what happened?

E: Turns out she was a blond air head. Afterwards she was taken to the hospital, where the doctors asked what happened. They didn't say the whole story but still, there I was, clear as day. They all knew what happened.

D: Hahaha! Well, that's completely awkward. Hope she was okay.

E: She had a few stitches, thing is she didn't get homecoming queen.

D: Let me guess, you went to prom?

E: Yep, made an appearance there too.

D: Where is your favorite place to be?

E: Anywhere, where there's a crowd... airports are the best. One time there was this guy caught with a friends suitcase, thing is there was probably 50 pounds of cocain, poorly masked with cologne I might add. This guy had the suitcase, with no idea about the cocain. His friend had the other bag. So the guy is sniffed out by the dogs and he gets questioned. Meanwhile, the friend, the real culprit, booked it onto the plane.

D: Uh oh.

E: The kicker is that it was the guy who got caught's idea. HAH!

D: You're drunk aren't you?

E: Yeah, but the real kicker is this is all a dream.

D: What?

Okay so appearantly I had this crazy dream with this weird elephant dude, and it was kinda weird and awkward, but it made me thing. I think at some point I actually got around to asking him why we all avoid awkward silences and stuff. He told me it's because we live off of this thrill of being scared. People like that high feeling of adrenaline, and REALLY awkward moments are what give us that rush of adrenaline.

There are better ways to getting that thrill, such as jumping out of an airplane or boxing three matches with a punch-crazy kangaroo. What I'm saying is don't be afraid of awkward moments, live off of them like a steroid-hungry body builder... or a anarexic-starved supermodel, whatever gets you there.

Until next time...

What if... or Worse Case Scenarios 101

Ever had an embarrassing run in with someone you haven't seen in a long time? How about you make a complete and utter romantic moment into the grossest moment in your life? Or what about the time you humiliated yourself in front of a large crowd of people?

Madame Danni has your #1 solutions to almost all of the MOST embarrassing things that could ever happen to you.

1. What if you forget someone's name?
Well, that's easy, avoid the subject altogether and ask them to remind how to PRONOUNCE their names. eg. "I'm sorry, how do you pronounce your name again?... KA-thy... Kathy, right! Emphasis on the first syllable."

2. What if your fly is undone and someone rudely points it out?
A little trickier. You could make some naughty comment about a waitress/waiter in the broomcloset, but if said someone who rudely pointed out your "open barn doors" was say, a kid, then close up shop and take on the classical Tramp a la Charlie Chaplin. Shrug your shoulders and say "Whoops!"

3. What if you fumble your words by accident?
Situation one: The polite conversation.

If you say to your friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/significant other/etc. "Do you want to fuck?" rather than what you were TRYING to say "Do you want the fork?" guage their reaction. Always excuse yourself. If they give you the "look" make some funny comment such as, "Well spooning usually forking, wouldn't you say?" If they give you the "other look" go back and eat your pasta.

Situation two: Screaming out the wrong name while having sex.

You're screwed if you make a joke. Answer calmly and (if they were an ex boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/significant other/etc.) stick to what career they have
E.g. "Silvia is my_" ex-gym partner/ex ice skating partner/ex agent/ex nude model/ex art instructor/ex massuse/etc.

4. What if you want to make a good impression with your in-laws?
Luckily for me, the inlaws have (so far) liked me. But if they're the kind that think you are the wrong kind of person for they're son or daughter. Remember these tips to wining over Ma and Pa-in-law.

-Remember that the in-laws are more scared of you than they are of them. Be friendly, kind, and more importantly, yourself. Don't make any sudden movements or stare them in the eye. They're like animals.
-Keep in mind that (if you are the same sex as your partner) not everyone is open-minded and some comments may arise. Don't take everything personally, they're trying their best. You may say somethings that may offend them to keep the field even. Hehe!
-Keep in mind also that (if you partner has lots of money) that you will be included in the will at some point, so a little sucking up helps. E.g. "Mrs. Martin, your prize winning rosebush just takes my breath away." Or "Mr. Burns is that a new cologne? Calvin Klein suits you."
-Eat carrots; they help you see better.
-Don't forget to show the folks how much you'll be there for their child... some parents want to know their little boy/girl/both that they will be cared for and loved.

5. What if you dial the wrong number on the phone and there's an awkward silence?
Somehow find out if their not a total creeper and invite them out for coffee. You can never make too many friends, nor can there be too much coffee. There's a blessing in every encounter.

6. What if you're waiting to meet someone and you mistake that person for the person you're waiting for?
It's not the end of the world. Apologize and then resume waiting... if you've been waiting for more than an hour though, leave. There's no point.

7. What if you lose $500, 000 Deal or No Deal in the first round?
Wait for the best offer the Banker makes and take it (At least 6 figures)!

The Woes and Sorrows of the North American Housewife

Note from the author: *A Work of Fiction*

So one day way back, circa 1950 or something, when I was "younger", I got a letter from this sweet young housewife. Now I have a problem with names and when I think of this letter, I completely forget it... so we'll just call her Jane. Here's her letter:

Dear Danni,

I have a problem with my husband. Now I know what you're thinking, but it's not what you think it is. My husband Howard treats me like a house servant. When we met he treated me like a princess, he took me out to nice dinners, we went to the latest movies (Camille was by far the best movie I ever saw!) and he bought me the nicest dresses I could ever dream of. Now I cook half-burned grocery store food, watch reruns on tv, and the nicest thing he bought me was a new mop. I cook, I clean, and I take care of our six kids. What can I do?

Signed, Looking-Un-Comfortable-Yet

I duely replied...

LUCY,

You're problem is very relatable for a lot of wives out there. He suffering from a sever case of what is called, marriage. Frank Sinatra said it best when he said "love and marraige go together like a horse and carriage." It's a convinience, my dear. Some men start off being Prince Charming, but then they just end up being toads... and the scary thing is you don't want to kiss them again... EVER. As for who is to blame, it certainly isn't his, nor yours for that matter. The fault is to the person who instigated the idea of marriage... I would say it was the priest or pastor who married you, but I don't dare deal in political or religious scandals. No, I blame the parents personally. They should be held responsible for your misery. They should have taught him how to better behave in a marital situation. I mean why treat you like Cinderella out of the ball, when he should be treating you like Cinderella at the ball. Now for the solution. My dear, you can jump-start his cold pulse by rekindleing the romance. Go to a clothing store. Nothing to fancy, maybe Macy's and by some sexy lingerie... and maybe a crop whip. The rest you can figure out on your own, but just remember to teach him who his "Mama" is.

Best of Luck,
Danni.

****

Okay, obviously not the best advice I'm given, but do I look like Ask Agnes? Not at all. Well, a few months later, I recieved a letter from LUCY again. She said she thanked me very much for the advice, and that it worked like a charm. Her and her husband and children have moved out of Howard's parents house and into a nicely sized apartments. Her children are in a good school instead of being home-schooled. And LUCY's staying at home has even gotten her the job of being a dominatrix. Boy that little crop whip sure gest around. But moral of the story is, don't give advice unless you know what you're talking about. I'm not married, nor do I have children, so who am I to give advice to a poor 1950's wife.

And as a side note, if you think Camille is a good movie (not that I've seen it or anything) then you MUST be really really really old!

Until next we meet, my readers.

Urinetown the Musical

I've heard some very interesting news... Consider:

What would happen if the water was gone? Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever wondered what it would be like?

Statistics show that the most water is used with toilets and urinals, both public and private. Now imagine that your bathroom has been permanently removed and your government has announced toilets would be privatized... in other words, you have to pay to pee.

Urinetown the Musical is based on this idea.

Caldwell B. Cladwell, the man who is charge of the dirtiest, filthiest public amenity in town and a smooth-talking senator, Fipp, plot to raise the price for the use of the public urinal.

The plots goes and we learn that those who don't pay the pee-fee... they are sent to Urinetown. "A metaphysical place of sorts" or so the locals say. Nobody knows what awaits Urinetown, all live in fear of the phantom town... known as Urinetown!

If this weren't enough, Bobby not only falls in love with Cladwell's only flesh-and-blood daughter, Hope Cladwell, leads a protest with the poor people of the town, to fight against Cladwell and his money-grubbing Urine Good Company (U.G.C.) crew.

The show has been successful off-Broadway, then on Broadway... recently it played in Vancouver, and now the relatively small but talent-laden town of Summerland, B.C. has taken on the task of putting on this show.

The cast is small, with several leads playing in the chorus as well. These are definately a talented bunch as they all participate in almost every single scene and musical number throughout the show. Rehearsals are coming to a close and the show is about to go on, everyone is now feeling the pressure now that we're coming down to the crunch...

Now Consider:

What are you doing in the week of august 4th to the 8th? What could you be doing? You could be sitting home watching the same old boring television... or...

You could be watching an epic struggle for life, liberty and freedom... to pee! See a colorful bunch of characters fight against an oppressive company plotting to take away man's one and only sacred right... watch as man struggles to free their porcelain throne! And yes... it's family friendly!

Okay enough of the jokes... the show runs August 4-8 all 8pm showings. Tickets are $15 at the door or at the Sweet Tooth located in downtown Summerland!!!

The Trouble with Men

The trouble with men is they don't know how to communicate how they feel. We may fall in love with them at first sight, hate their guts one minute until they do something nice another, or even just be a best friend but not matter what, depending on the guy, most men will not admit to their true feelings. They're like people with clam shells. Do anything "scary" and they shut right up.

This is especially so with gay men. All they want is sex and they will stop at nothing to get it. Although in my case, I'm surrounded by straight men and would love to do them! Although their girlfriends would have something to say and I would lose more friends that way. It's complicated. Although most straight men are okay with gay men, men do know what other men want. Which is sex. So I can understand, from a homophobic standpoint how a straight man would want to avoid a gay man. Then again if men helped each other out I think that would be a step closer to world peace.

There are three words that I have used and have heard that have been used that can scare off a man. Guaranteed.

Love: Saying I love you is one of the most scary things a man can hear. Especially after sex. I myself am now developing the ability to separate sex and love, which is a shame because they should be related. I mean if the majority of straight couples can get it right, I'm sure it's not brain surgery for the rest of us. There's a difference between jerking off and love and a man doesn't want to be loved just for jerking off, let me tell you that. I sure don't. I don't need someone saying "Oh I love you!" after just a quick session... look if I really loved you, I'd make it super special and memorable, we wouldn't be hear in a dark alley honey!

Relationship: Not so much a scary word but most single men do try to avoid this. I mean they're free free free until whoops they're in this complicated thing with another human being. Relationships do relate to resposiblity; they'll have to clean up after themselves and *gasp* take out the grabage! I can relate! I mean I absolutely care about appearances now but there was a time where I didn't do my laundry for two weeks, tops! Think men preferr friendships rather than relationships... relationships have things like obedience, engagement, shopping, and romance, where friendships have strippers, beer, laughing. Sounds like more fun if you're into that.

Commitment: This isn't so much a scary word as it is a trainable quality. Men can commit to something like snow can commit to sunlight. It's gonna be a little difficult. I mean the sun can tell the snow "I wanna see you," and it will stay, but then the snow gets hard and crunchy which sucks to make snowmen. And if you can't make snowmen, how in the hell are your hillbilly neighbours going to blow it up with the rest of their dynomite, tape it, and then send it to America's funniest home videos? Impossible! Okay so my own family won't have a fun holiday, but it's all the sun's fault. Okay, enough metaphors. What I'm trying to get at is most men who aren't looking for a good solid relationship are gonna avoid commitment.

These things aren't all bad things. It's what makes them appealing, attracting and charming. Boys, be proud that you are what you are. Not all of you are like this messed up son of a bitch... I mean if you have any kind of irrational fear of love, relationship and commitment, I'm not doctor, but i reccomend some professional help. But we (everyone who likes boys anyway) like that and we want them more. A fact of basic human nature; what we can't get, we want desperately. Like flies on a dead animal; we only have so long till it spoils, dig in!

I naturally fall for this type of messed up kind of person. Unfortunately this boyfriend with his
excess baggage should be put on the next train to ex-boyfriend ville!

After all this has been said though, there are two guys who I have had the pleasure to meet in my lifetime. Brothers they are, but they are the best friends in the world and both are happy in their current relationships. Let me just say that they are both equally good looking but both are tragically, terminally straight... story of my fucking life!

One of them I've recently hung out with, he's the younger one. He's a sweetheart, an angel and I just love him to death. Laughs at anything I say, that's supposed to be funny anyway, and is completely adorable. He's told me about one old flame, in which he was forced into a lot of things. In fact his appearance has beared the brunt of it, I'm sure. But even after all that, he proposed. P-R-O-P-O-S-E-D! That's huge! I'm proud of him for the fact that he had the guts to do that! 20 years old, you know what you want, so you propose! WOW! Great! And what does she do? Says no and leaves him. What. The. Fuck? He's now happily in a new relationship (hasn't proposed yet) but both are my dear, dear friends and I hope they last a long time.

The other is the older brother and I haven't hung out with him in ages... okay almost a year, but I think I can facebook stalk him, and probably text him or email him. I'm above that but I'm not beneath that either. He's never told me about his past relationship but a what I think is a huge thing that he said was... if he were gay, he would totally go out with me. It was nice but a little torturing at the same time, so I said "why aren't you?" He's also a sweetie and I'm glad to have him in my life, even if he isn't my life partner, knowing that he would like to gives me a little hope.

On that note, I hope for a lot of things. I hope for equality of people. I hope for no more wars. I hope to be a huge sucess. I hope for marriage. I hope for a big FABULOUS wedding gown. I hope for happiness. I hope for a future as bright and as sunny as today is goingto be. With blue skies, love, laughter... a little more sequins. I hope for brotherhood, sisterhood, cousinhood, parenthood, childhood, neighbourhood, ganghood, hoodhood, and hoodies to never die out as time goes by. I hope they all last through a big wash and rinse cycle I like to call "life" and never fade.

Until next time.

Fabu-Tastic Icons

I've yet to write anything about drag icons and my own personal infulences. So depending on how long this takes this is dedicated to the fabulous "women" of drag!

So these lovely ladies are my influences as well as just plain fantastic. The majority of these ladies can be googled...

RuPaul: Host of RuPaul's Dragrace (as seen on tv), star of Starrbooty, and singer of Supermodel
She influences my love of interesting as well as high fashion. She also fuels my passion and love for life. Live as who you are and don't let anyone tell you how you should live or who you should love. Okay so I'm inspired by the immortal words of Jerry Herman, "I am what I am"... Like Ru, I myself have a signature laugh... well mine's more of a cackle.

Lady Bunny: Hostess, M.C. and Fashion Critic for the ragmags... as well as guest star in gay cinema. She inspires my crass sense of humor and word play. She's blunt, she honest, and she's fierce. Always has fabulously huge blond wigs that also inspire to be proud of my roots... my natural roots. I like to be naughty just as much as she does.

Tyra Banks: Host of the Tyra Banks show and supermodel
She has energy, she has fans, and she's a... real woman? Yup, she is, but her energy and enthusiam (as well as a huge supporter of the LGBT community). I recently saw the episode where she talked to Isis, the first transgender contestant on America's Next Top Model. Fantastic episode to be proud of who you are and that work and enginuity can pay off in the long run. Sometimes having fun means being crazy fun, Tyra is everything like that and more.

Amanda Lepore: (not sure what she's famous for, but) supermodel (i'm sure!)
Glamorous! A no-holds-bar babe. Transgenderified into the busty blond that we all know and love. (i say that because i've seen her in person before, crazy!) She inspires my need to be fabulous and glamorous... at all times! And to get professional photos of myself so I can promote myself as a drag star! ^_^

And of course...

Dame Edna: Australian Comedienne
The only lady that I have seen with naturally (she says) purple hair... no, not purple, lavender. From her fantastic trusso of costumes to her accent to her perfectly coiffed hair she is a lady... a lady I myself would love emulate when i walk out on stage. A marvellous sense of humor and such a character, I personally hope that I get to meet her before I can't.

So these are the ladies that have inspired me to be the lady that I am. Everyone has to have some kind of influence or idol. These ladies are a few of the fantastic ones that I have. Without them around I don't anyone in the world would be who they are without them.

In the end, you could say I'm a passionate, naughty, funny/energetic, glamorous, lady-like drag queen.

That's it for this exciting adventure into self-discovery. Until Next time!

Song, no title...

So i wrote a song based on a theme... not music but just a theme... I decided on break ups because that's what everyone deals with. they are love songs but no break-up songs... huh... anyway this puppy needs a title. Enjoy.


Even though
We're miles apart
I believe
I'm in your heart
You and I
We were just friends
And yet
We were more than that
And then when
I was in your arms
And we both
Were close and warm
We shared
That new romance
We were so close
And you gave me a chance

And when I cry at night
I know you are crying too
But when the time is right
You know I will love you
And then when you cry
I'm probably crying too
But if we let it and try
I'll fly to you

Although
You said you didn't feel
Anymore
Well I still do
You and I
We were something special
And yet
We were more than friends
And then when
You put an end to it all and
My world
Crumbled around me when
Our worlds
That once collided are
Now departed and
I will never give you a chance!

And when I cry at night
I know you are crying too
But when the time is right
You know I will love you
And then when you cry
I'm probably crying too
But if we let it and try
I'll fly to you

But if it's all wrong
And you ask to come back
I will, but it might not be strong
Why do I feel this pain
Like the time so far long
And far ago, I'll come back
But I won't love you that so long
Memories of that October remain

And when I cry at night
I know you're crying too
But when you feel right
You know I still love you
And then when you cry
I'm probably crying too
But when the time is right
And in that deep dark night
And if we let it and try
Even if I should die
I'll fly to you

Updates: New Beginnings, New Shows, New Job

So a lot has happened since my last post.

First of all a group of friends and some old teachers of mine planned on doing a show! I was invited to do a role. Unfortunately it's a straight male role, but it's a fun straight male role, so I'm not too disappointed. The show is Urinetown and it's a hillirious Broadway show. I suggest you all Youtube it. It's got complicated chorus bits.

I got a new job at an ice cream store. The place is called Sweet Tooth and its nestled in the center of our small down town. It's cute and I've only had two shifts. A funny story, I couldn't scoop properly until the second day; since after my first shift I was panicing: I wasn't doing it right, I'm failing big time, I'm not learning fast enough, WOW, this bites the big one... etc. So far I've only had a couple of training shifts which were weirdly calm and stressful at the time, which I'm not stranger to, honestly I'm an odd zen-like person.

As for new beginnings, I've found someone that I'd like to be dating, but deep down something in me doesn't want to start something. More on that later. But he's nice, genuine, inviting... and appealing despite what some people may seem. Honestly his picture don't do him any justice. He has a wicked sense of humour, which i admire greatly.

Sometimes though I don't know if my feelings are purely love, or lust. I mean the majority of my relationships are purely sex-based. I mean a man can be the most beautiful man in the world... and I either totally blow it by sounding desperate or not sounding interested enough. I really just don't understand how relationships go. But DO we understand how relationships work? Or is it just some huge delusion of something we feel (men mostly) in our pelvises that makes us think it's love, but once we satisfy it, all it is is just one big messy affair? Or maybe it's just simple, and I'm over analyzing. I have done that a lot. I think that's the downfall of my relationships... and lack of communication. I think I'm giving him space, but then he likes it when I talk to him... Men are complicated sons of bitches.

More updates are soon to follow, but as a wind up to this one: I'm in a show that has to do with peeing, I'm hopefully going to be working full time this summer, AND I may be starting a relationship, but I'm not holding out for anything. Oh! and I almost forgot that I haven't heard anything from university, wether or not I'm in or out of second year. That's just the cherry on top of a beautiful beginning to summer. YAY! O_o *twitch*

Until next time...

Tricks of the Trade

Having just recently completed my first year at University for acting I feel it a privilege to share with you tips and tricks of the acting trade.

1. Read. Lots.
I know it sounds very redundant but reading up on your industry or books on auditioning and perfecting your craft is basically key to acing an audition and getting the part. A book i recommend is Audition by Michael Shurtleff. He talks about 12 guide posts to help in a scene... additionally, there are updated versions that will tell you this, but there are an additional 2 guideposts Vulnerability and another one that has slipped my mind but I will research for you.

Also read things and study in classes that aren't related to acting when you get the chance. A good philosophy/neurology course can help with figuring out the mind, one of an actor's number one place where ideas come from.

Also read plays and screenplays. When you learn about character arcs and story arcs and the like, you can start to look for those. Also you may need to find monologues for whatever classes or auditions you've done or or are going to do.

2. Audition. Lots.
You won't know what to work on unless you try and audition for shows. Any show, whether its variety, repertoire, musicals, etc. experience in auditioning is no harm... getting the part is the best thing in the entire world.

The thing you have to work on is being professional yet friendly, but not too friendly. And don't be afraid to talk about yourself. What makes you unique? What are your hobbies? What are you passionate about? An auditioner/producer/casting agent/director wants to see you at your best, so talk about things that turn you on, respectively.

3. Go see shows.
Be critical. Sure enjoy the show, but think of things that will make the play/musical/movie better. What could you have contributed if you were in it? Have fun while you see. Look at the positives as well. What made a particular scene funny? Were there things that someone said/did that made that moment funny? What were some good moments? Also, most likely, there's a meet and greet after the show, talk to those actors, tell them they were fantastic and talk. Not only is that beneficial, it's also very fun.

4. Take classes.
Not so much theatre classes, but other things. Actors today as well as way back to the 1920's and 1930's had to be "triple threats". Acting. Dancing. Singing. Taking classes in dance (tap, ballet, contemporary, etc.) and singing lessons or vocal classes or even private musical theatre instructions at your school or town or city is a good idea. If a family or friend is a music teacher use them to your advantage. Just remember, always say please and expect a bargain of some
kind. You can't get something for nothing nowadays. While your at it, learn to play piano or an instrument.

5. Try things.
Try writing a screenplay or play. If it helps, collaborate with your friends to make a show. Don't worry about rules. What I've learned is that there are no wrong or right ways or limits unless you set some. Don't! You'll stifle your creativity! Start with an idea or a theme and build off of it. Don't forget to have fun, that's number one! and don't worry about budgets, cross that bridge when you get there.

6. Blog or create websites
Self-promotion never hurt anyone. In life you're not going to be waiting by the phone for a call, especially if you're unknown. And don't start with an agent right off, let them discover you or contact them to come to a show that you're in or something like that.

And that's it for now! Until next time!

A Funny Thing Happened...

A funny thing happened on my way to the grocery store.

Aside from me running to the corner to push the button that makes the walk sign appear and having to wait two lights just to cross, but I also missed it.

In the end it wasn't quite that bad of an ordeal and I was actually quite angry, until suddenly, somewhere between the cookie aisle and the meat aisle I burst out laughing.

Things could be worse, I thought.

They were. I had to buy the meat without the cookies. A queen shouldn't be deprived of her cookies.

Klutz

Growing up, I was a complete and utter klutz. It could be the blond hair stereotype, but I was completely 100% kultzy.

When I mean klutzy, I mean walk into posts and stop signs klutzy. Really!

I can remember when my mom told me about the time I was a little little kid, a toddler, and I would be dropped off at a daycare/kiddi-robics thing or something like that. When she'd come to pick me up one day, the organizer came up to her. She looked like she was in trouble as she came up to my mother, because she's a force to be reckoned with, as am I!!!

"Excuse me," she said, "Are you Dan's mother?"

"Yes," my mother replies.

"Well," the instructor says reluctantly. "He's run into a pole this afternoon..."

The funny thing is that this pole that she mentioned was the only singular pole in the middle of the room. I would hit it... everytime!

Another funny story is back from when we used to live with my grandparents on my father's side of the family. One evening after dinner we were playing catch. My aunt long bombs and I have to move backwards to keep an eye on it and catch it. I back up farther and farther and farther and then... BAM! i double over holding my head in pain and crying my eyes out. I look behind me and a stop sign wobbles. That's right, I've ran into a stop sign. The only reason I was crying was probably because of how embarrassed I was.

The funnier thing is that I still have the goose egg on the back of my head to prove it. I have a million and one bumps on my head to prove any and every fall, scrape, tumble, crash, bang, bruise, and scar that I've gotten from growing up. I guess my klutziness is probably what makes me unique...

Although, I wish it didn't hurt so much!

Intro

The number one question you're probably asking yourself, is why I created this. Maybe I want people to feel sorry for me. Maybe I want you to be inspired. Maybe I want someone to read this and think, 'Jeez, that sucks, at least I'm not them!' Maybe, it's just because, I want to? I think that's it. Anyway, whatever the reason, these are my confessions I want to share with everyone. Maybe you'll learn something; I don't think either of us are expecting much.

I guess since this is an introduction I should introduce myself... and maybe my blog.

I'm Danni. Nice to meet you!

I'm a pretty normal, your average blond blue eyed 19 year old university theatre majoring student. Or a pretty normal SINGLE average blond blue eyed 19 year old university theatre majoring student... who takes transit.

I have been living in Vancouver for almost a year after 19 years of seclusion from something called the "world". It's a really cool thing, I think everyone should see it at least once in their lives. This "world" is one of the most amazing things for a singleton/small-towner/out-of-towner/country bumkin to see. It's indescribable. You think you know everything there is to know about the "world" and yet you come face to face and you're struck dumb like a deer in the headlights of a fast moving frieght train with a drunk engineer on a bender.

All fantasy Bambi suicides aside, my blog is a blog of confessions. What is a confession, you ask? Well...

Confession. Definition:

1. Acknowledgment; avowal; admission.
2. A formal, usually written, acknowledgment of guilt by a person accused of a crime.
3. Something that is confessed.

In the case of my confessions, they border along 1 and 3. It's only ever 2 if I've done something like hold up a bank, protest downtown transit by lying down in front of a bus, or skinny dipping in the day time. All of the above are last things on a list of things I would EVER do.

I guess, the first confession I'd like to make is... I'm gay... Keep in mind, if I wasn't, this wouldn't have been called Confessions of a Drag Queen... it'd probably be called Confession of a Lumberjack... or Confessions of a Republican or White Anglo-Saxon Protestant or Straight White Blonde Boy Who Can't Get Laid.... and that's not the case with me (wink, wink).

My second confession is that I'm a drag qeen... again, see above for other title options if i wasn't a drag queen. I may not be a proffessional onstage but I could be. I guess I choose to be some kind of hostess or someone who is the life of the party. My father never understood why I'd have to dress up to have fun. Then again a majority of men don't understand at all.

In all honesty ,this is a place where I can vent. You can listen or just go to Youtube or whatever you do when you want to block out other people's crap, but there's nothing here that isn't from my heart. I think if we all made an effort to tell the truth, maybe not about others, but about ourselves, maybe we can learn to cope with things we couldn't deal with in the first place. Maybe. For now, it's another story for another time. Until next time!