Ever had an embarrassing run in with someone you haven't seen in a long time? How about you make a complete and utter romantic moment into the grossest moment in your life? Or what about the time you humiliated yourself in front of a large crowd of people?
Madame Danni has your #1 solutions to almost all of the MOST embarrassing things that could ever happen to you.
1. What if you forget someone's name?
Well, that's easy, avoid the subject altogether and ask them to remind how to PRONOUNCE their names. eg. "I'm sorry, how do you pronounce your name again?... KA-thy... Kathy, right! Emphasis on the first syllable."
2. What if your fly is undone and someone rudely points it out?
A little trickier. You could make some naughty comment about a waitress/waiter in the broomcloset, but if said someone who rudely pointed out your "open barn doors" was say, a kid, then close up shop and take on the classical Tramp a la Charlie Chaplin. Shrug your shoulders and say "Whoops!"
3. What if you fumble your words by accident?
Situation one: The polite conversation.
If you say to your friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/significant other/etc. "Do you want to fuck?" rather than what you were TRYING to say "Do you want the fork?" guage their reaction. Always excuse yourself. If they give you the "look" make some funny comment such as, "Well spooning usually forking, wouldn't you say?" If they give you the "other look" go back and eat your pasta.
Situation two: Screaming out the wrong name while having sex.
You're screwed if you make a joke. Answer calmly and (if they were an ex boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/significant other/etc.) stick to what career they have
E.g. "Silvia is my_" ex-gym partner/ex ice skating partner/ex agent/ex nude model/ex art instructor/ex massuse/etc.
4. What if you want to make a good impression with your in-laws?
Luckily for me, the inlaws have (so far) liked me. But if they're the kind that think you are the wrong kind of person for they're son or daughter. Remember these tips to wining over Ma and Pa-in-law.
-Remember that the in-laws are more scared of you than they are of them. Be friendly, kind, and more importantly, yourself. Don't make any sudden movements or stare them in the eye. They're like animals.
-Keep in mind that (if you are the same sex as your partner) not everyone is open-minded and some comments may arise. Don't take everything personally, they're trying their best. You may say somethings that may offend them to keep the field even. Hehe!
-Keep in mind also that (if you partner has lots of money) that you will be included in the will at some point, so a little sucking up helps. E.g. "Mrs. Martin, your prize winning rosebush just takes my breath away." Or "Mr. Burns is that a new cologne? Calvin Klein suits you."
-Eat carrots; they help you see better.
-Don't forget to show the folks how much you'll be there for their child... some parents want to know their little boy/girl/both that they will be cared for and loved.
5. What if you dial the wrong number on the phone and there's an awkward silence?
Somehow find out if their not a total creeper and invite them out for coffee. You can never make too many friends, nor can there be too much coffee. There's a blessing in every encounter.
6. What if you're waiting to meet someone and you mistake that person for the person you're waiting for?
It's not the end of the world. Apologize and then resume waiting... if you've been waiting for more than an hour though, leave. There's no point.
7. What if you lose $500, 000 Deal or No Deal in the first round?
Wait for the best offer the Banker makes and take it (At least 6 figures)!
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